Do you like April Fool's Day tricks?
|
Yes:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question1 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question1='Yes'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q1a = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q1a = q1a + 1
q1ap = Round((q1a / total1)*100)
Loop
if q1ap = "" then q1ap = 0
q1apw = q1ap * 2
%>
 <% Response.Write q1ap & "%" %>
|
No:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question1 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question1='No'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q1b = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q1b = q1b + 1
q1bp = Round((q1b / total1)*100)
Loop
if q1bp = "" then q1bp = 0
q1bpw = q1bp * 2
%>
 <% Response.Write q1bp & "%" %>
|
|
Have you ever been the subject of an April Fool's Day trick?
|
Yes:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question2 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question2='Yes'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q2a = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q2a = q2a + 1
q2ap = Round((q2a / total2)*100)
Loop
if q2ap = "" then q2ap = 0
q2apw = q2ap * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q2ap & "%" %>
|
Yes, but only a long time ago:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question2 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question2='YesBut'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q2b = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q2b = q2b + 1
q2bp = Round((q2b / total2)*100)
Loop
if q2bp = "" then q2bp = 0
q2bpw = q2bp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q2bp & "%" %>
|
No:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question2 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question2='No'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q2c = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q2c = q2c + 1
q2cp = Round((q2c / total2)*100)
Loop
if q2cp = "" then q2cp = 0
q2cpw = q2cp * 2
%>
 <% Response.Write q2cp & "%" %>
|
|
Do you play April Fool's Day tricks on other people?
|
Yes:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question3 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question3='Yes'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q3a = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q3a = q3a + 1
q3ap = Round((q3a / total3)*100)
Loop
if q3ap = "" then q3ap = 0
q3apw = q3ap * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q3ap & "%" %>
|
No tricking for me:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question3 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question3='No'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q3c = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q3c = q3c + 1
q3cp = Round((q3c / total3)*100)
Loop
if q3cp = "" then q3cp = 0
q3cpw = q3cp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q3cp & "%" %>
|
|
Who is the best subject for an April Fool's Day trick?
|
A teacher
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question4 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question4='Teacher'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q4a = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q4a = q4a + 1
q4ap = Round((q4a / Total4)*100)
Loop
if q4ap = "" then q4ap = 0
q4apw = q4ap * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q4ap & "%" %>
|
A brother or sister:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question4 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question4='Sibling'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q4b = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q4b = q4b + 1
q4bp = Round((q4b / Total4)*100)
Loop
if q4bp = "" then q4bp = 0
q4bpw = q4bp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q4bp & "%" %>
|
A parent or grandparent:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question4 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question4='Parent'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q4c = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q4c = q4c + 1
q4cp = Round((q4c / Total4)*100)
Loop
if q4cp = "" then q4cp = 0
q4cpw = q4cp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q4cp & "%" %>
|
A neighbor:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question4 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question4='Neighbor'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q4d = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q4d = q4d + 1
q4dp = Round((q4d / Total4)*100)
Loop
if q4dp = "" then q4dp = 0
q4dpw = q4dp * 2
%>
 <% Response.Write q4dp & "%" %>
|
A co-worker:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question4 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question4='Worker'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q4e = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q4e = q4e + 1
q4ep = Round((q4e / Total4)*100)
Loop
if q4ep = "" then q4ep = 0
q4epw = q4ep * 2
%>
 <% Response.Write q4ep & "%" %>
|
A boss:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question4 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question4='Boss'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q4f = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q4f = q4f + 1
q4fp = Round((q4f / Total4)*100)
Loop
if q4fp = "" then q4fp = 0
q4fpw = q4fp * 2
%>
 <% Response.Write q4fp & "%" %>
|
An unsuspecting stranger:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question4 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question4='Stranger'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q4g = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q4g = q4g + 1
q4gp = Round((q4g / Total4)*100)
Loop
if q4gp = "" then q4gp = 0
q4gpw = q4gp * 2
%>
 <% Response.Write q4gp & "%" %>
|
|
What is the most important rule for an April Fool's Day trick?
|
Don't really hurt anybody:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question5 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question5='Hurt'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q5a = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q5a = q5a + 1
q5ap = Round((q5a / total)*100)
Loop
if q5ap = "" then q5ap = 0
q5apw = q5ap * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q5ap & "%" %>
|
Make sure that nobody is seriously embarrassed:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question5 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question5='Embarrass'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q5b = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q5b = q5b + 1
q5bp = Round((q5b / total5)*100)
Loop
if q5bp = "" then q5bp = 0
q5bpw = q5bp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q5bp & "%" %>
|
Make sure the trick is actually funny:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question5 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question5='Funny'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q5c = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q5c = q5c + 1
q5cp = Round((q5c / total5)*100)
Loop
if q5cp = "" then q5cp = 0
q5cpw = q5cp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q5cp & "%" %>
|
Make sure the trick is funny to people who don't love South Park:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question5 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question5='SouthPark'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q5d = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q5d = q5d + 1
q5dp = Round((q5d / total5)*100)
Loop
if q5dp = "" then q5dp = 0
q5dpw = q5dp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q5dp & "%" %>
|
Let someone else get blamed for it:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question5 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question5='Blame'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q5e = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q5e = q5e + 1
q5ep = Round((q5e / total5)*100)
Loop
if q5ep = "" then q5ep = 0
q5epw = q5ep * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q5ep & "%" %>
|
More than one of the choices above:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question5 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question5='More'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q5f = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q5f = q5f + 1
q5fp = Round((q5f / total5)*100)
Loop
if q5fp = "" then q5fp = 0
q5fpw = q5fp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q5fp & "%" %>
|
|
Have you ever had one of your April Fool's Day tricks backfire or go wrong?
|
Yes:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question6 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question6='Yes'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q6a = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q6a = q6a + 1
q6ap = Round((q6a / total6)*100)
Loop
if q6ap = "" then q6ap = 0
q6apw = q6ap * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q6ap & "%" %>
|
No:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question6 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question6='No'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q6b = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q6b = q6b + 1
q6bp = Round((q6b / total6)*100)
Loop
if q6bp = "" then q6bp = 0
q6bpw = q6bp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q6bp & "%" %>
|
|
What do you think of newspapers and other media outlets planting stories as hoaxes on April 1st?
|
It's usually good fun. I like it:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question7 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question7='Fun'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q7a = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q7a = q7a + 1
q7ap = Round((q7a / total7)*100)
Loop
if q7ap = "" then q7ap = 0
q7apw = q7ap * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q7ap & "%" %>
|
It's usually lame. I hate it:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question7 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question7='Lame'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q7b = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q7b = q7b + 1
q7bp = Round((q7b / total7)*100)
Loop
if q7bp = "" then q7bp = 0
q7bpw = q7bp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q7bp & "%" %>
|
It's hard to tell the difference in some newspapers between a hoax story and a real one. I don't care:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question7 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question7='Hard'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q7c = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q7c = q7c + 1
q7cp = Round((q7c / total7)*100)
Loop
if q7cp = "" then q7cp = 0
q7cpw = q7cp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q7cp & "%" %>
|
|
How do you rate the 1986 horror movie April Fool's Day?
|
Two thumbs up:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question8 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question8='TwoUp'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q8a = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q8a = q8a + 1
q8ap = Round((q8a / total8)*100)
Loop
if q8ap = "" then q8ap = 0
q8apw = q8ap * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q8ap & "%" %>
|
One thumb up:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question8 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question8='OneUp'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q8b = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q8b = q8b + 1
q8bp = Round((q8b / total8)*100)
Loop
if q8bp = "" then q8bp = 0
q8bpw = q8bp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q8bp & "%" %>
|
One thumb down:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question8 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question8='OneDown'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q8c = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q8c = q8c + 1
q8cp = Round((q8c / total8)*100)
Loop
if q8cp = "" then q8cp = 0
q8cpw = q8cp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q8cp & "%" %>
|
Two thumbs down:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question8 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question8='TwoDown'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q8d = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q8d = q8d + 1
q8dp = Round((q8d / total8)*100)
Loop
if q8dp = "" then q8dp = 0
q8dpw = q8dp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q8dp & "%" %>
|
Stop with the thumbs. I haven't seen the movie.:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question8 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question8='NoThumbs'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q8e = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q8e = q8e + 1
q8ep = Round((q8e / total8)*100)
Loop
if q8ep = "" then q8ep = 0
q8epw = q8ep * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q8ep & "%" %>
|
It's on my Netflix list:
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question8 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question8='Netflix'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q8f = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q8f = q8f + 1
q8fp = Round((q8f / total8)*100)
Loop
if q8fp = "" then q8fp = 0
q8fpw = q8fp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q8fp & "%" %>
|
|
Which of these famous April Fool's Day tricks do you like best?
|
The Sports Illustrated cover story about Mets phenom Sidd Finch, the rookie who could throw a 168 mph fastball (1985):
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question9 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question9='Finch'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q9a = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q9a = q9a + 1
q9ap = Round((q9a / total9)*100)
Loop
if q9ap = "" then q9ap = 0
q9apw = q9ap * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q9ap & "%" %>
|
The claim that Microsoft's Bill Gates had bought the Catholic Church as an investment (1994):
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question9 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question9='Gates'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q9b = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q9b = q9b + 1
q9bp = Round((q9b / total9)*100)
Loop
if q9bp = "" then q9bp = 0
q9bpw = q9bp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q9bp & "%" %>
|
The announcement that Taco Bell had purchased the Liberty Bell (1996):
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question9 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question9='Bell'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q9c = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q9c = q9c + 1
q9cp = Round((q9c / total9)*100)
Loop
if q9cp = "" then q9cp = 0
q9cpw = q9cp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q9cp & "%" %>
|
The ad claiming that Burger King had developed a hamburger for left-handed diners (1998)
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question9 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question9='Left'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q9d = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q9d = q9d + 1
q9dp = Round((q9d / total9)*100)
Loop
if q9dp = "" then q9dp = 0
q9dpw = q9dp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q9dp & "%" %>
|
The news report by a Seattle TV station that the Space Needle had collapsed (1999)
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question9 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question9='Needle'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q9e = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q9e = q9e + 1
q9ep = Round((q9e / total9)*100)
Loop
if q9ep = "" then q9ep = 0
q9epw = q9ep * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q9ep & "%" %>
|
The National Public Radio report that President Bush had proposed universal health care for pets (2002)
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question9 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question9='Pets'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q9f = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q9f = q9f + 1
q9fp = Round((q9f / total9)*100)
Loop
if q9fp = "" then q9fp = 0
q9fpw = q9fp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q9fp & "%" %>
|
The announcement by search engine Google that it was marketing a drink -- in four flavors -- that would automatically adjust its molecular structure to stimulate the drinker's brain (2005)
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question9 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question9='Google'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q9g = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q9g = q9g + 1
q9gp = Round((q9g / total9)*100)
Loop
if q9gp = "" then q9gp = 0
q9gpw = q9gp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q9gp & "%" %>
|
|
Which of these April Fool's Day tricks do you like best?
|
Take all the batteries out of the remotes in your house (Do not do this if you live alone):
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question10 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question10='Remotes'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q10a = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q10a = q10a + 1
q10ap = Round((q10a / total10)*100)
Loop
if q10ap = "" then q10ap = 0
q10apw = q10ap * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q10ap & "%" %>
|
Reprogram a friend's cell phone with a ring tone from The Flaming Lips (If they actually like the Flaming Lips, use a polyphonic country western ring tone):
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question10 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question10='Lips'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q10b = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q10b = q10b + 1
q10bp = Round((q10b / total10)*100)
Loop
if q10bp = "" then q10bp = 0
q10bpw = q10bp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q10bp & "%" %>
|
Put a sign on your office copy machine that says "new copier -- voice activated -- please speak your command" (Have your cell phone camera ready):
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question10 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question10='Copy'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q10c = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q10c = q10c + 1
q10cp = Round((q10c / total10)*100)
Loop
if q10cp = "" then q10cp = 0
q10cpw = q10cp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q10cp & "%" %>
|
Call your tech guy and tell him that "the website was down when the mayor looked at it five minutes ago." (Repeat this every hour):
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question10 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question10='Website'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q10d = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q10d = q10d + 1
q10dp = Round((q10d / total10)*100)
Loop
if q10dp = "" then q10dp = 0
q10dpw = q10dp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q10dp & "%" %>
|
|
Set every alarm clock at your local big box store to go off at ten minute intervals (Leave before security arrives):
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question10 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question10='Alarm'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q10e = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q10e = q10e + 1
q10ep = Round((q10e / total10)*100)
Loop
if q10ep = "" then q10ep = 0
q10epw = q10ep * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q10ep & "%" %>
|
|
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Was that your beeper?" (Do not do this unless someone else is in the elevator):
|
<%
set conn=Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
conn.Provider="Microsoft.Jet.OLEDB.4.0"
conn.Open(Server.Mappath("/Data/20060330AprilFools.mdb"))
set rs = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.recordset")
sql="SELECT Question10 FROM AprilFools WHERE Question10='Elevator'"
rs.Open sql, conn
q10f = 0
do while rs.EOF = False
rs.MoveNext
q10f = q10f + 1
q10fp = Round((q10f / total10)*100)
Loop
if q10fp = "" then q10fp = 0
q10fpw = q10fp * 2
%>
<% Response.Write q10fp & "%" %>
|
|
The Sports Illustrated cover story about Mets phenom Sidd Finch, the rookie who could throw a 168 mph fastball (1985):
The claim that Microsoft's Bill Gates had bought the Catholic Church as an investment (1994):
The ad claiming that Burger King had developed a hamburger for left-handed diners (1998)
The news report by a Seattle TV station that the Space Needle had collapsed (1999)
The National Public Radio report that President Bush had proposed universal health care for pets (2002)
The announcement by search engine Google that it was marketing a drink -- in four flavors -- that would automatically adjust its molecular structure to stimulate the drinker's brain (2005)
Take all the batteries out of the remotes in your house (Do not do this if you live alone):
Reprogram a friend's cell phone with a ring tone from The Flaming Lips (If they actually like the Flaming Lips, use a polyphonic country western ring tone):
Put a sign on your office copy machine that says "new copier -- voice activated -- please speak your command" (Have your cell phone camera ready):
Call your tech guy and tell him that "the website was down when the mayor looked at it five minutes ago." (Repeat this every hour):
Set every alarm clock at your local big box store to go off at ten minute intervals (Leave before security arrives):
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Was that your beeper?" (Do not do this unless someone else is in the elevator):